I’ve been studying at the University of Waterloo for a bunch of years now and with all of the regular stress that comes with comes with student life there’s something extra that this school has to strike fear into the hearts of those who attend it.
Canadian geese.
While these creatures might look kind of goofy, what with their weird long necks and general overgrown duck shape, they are some of the most belligerent, hostile, and dangerous animals that roam free among the squirrels and pigeons.
And they’re also something that the University of Waterloo is well known for. They’re something of an unofficial mascot, a campus surprise that you need to see to believe. While they’re relatively peaceful and not overly confrontational for most of the year, springtime is nesting season and nesting season is when the evil brewing within the Canadian goose reaches its critical levels and is released in indiscriminate bursts aimed towards whoever happens to be unlucky enough to be there. Type in “Canadian goose” into a Google Images search and you’ll see this in the related searches:
A few years ago the Weather Network had an April Fools prank news story about a group of geese that take over the Davis Center and hold a student hostage in the library and while it’s kind of goofy, it’s actually pretty believable if you’ve had a bad experience with these beasts.
I’ve been at the school since 2009 and have been directly attacked once, seen dozens of attacks on other students, and been hissed and hocked at by these territorial beasts more times than I can count. I’ve seen people chased, bitten, kicked, body-slammed, and slapped with their wings, which can cause enough force to injure a person. A few years ago a family of geese set up nest in the courtyard of the Student Life Center and spent seemingly the entire spring hissing at students through the glass as they tried to study and eat inside. That spring, it was also impossible to use the door next to the nest, because doing so would ensure an attack. It’s incredibly fitting that the Victoria B.C. “puck rock” band The Hanson Brothers chose to replace the eagle in their parody Ramones crest with a Canadian goose, because they’re basically nature’s hockey goons.
One of my friends recently told me about a website that keeps track of locations of Canadian goose nests and even provides safe routes between buildings that circumvent any recorded goose nest. How I didn’t find out about this earlier is beyond me. It’s called Goose Watch, and while some people joke about the school’s overuse of the term “Innovation,” this is one useful, innovative tool for getting around campus while avoiding goose attacks.
While Canadian geese are pretty confrontational in general, if you step anywhere near one of their nests they will come at you, and they’ll want blood. Goose Watch is something that anybody who spends any time on campus at all should be aware of if they’re at all concerned with their own personal safety. Then, after the spring ends we can all wear our “I Survived Nesting Season” t-shirts with pride, knowing full well the hell we’ll have to go through next year.
This is the only t-shirt from my school that I own
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